Snakes Alive
by Diva Danielle
Summary: Mikey has a new pet that causes quite a bit of distress in the Lair. Quick word of warning. Snakes and plumbing don't mix.


**A/N: Based on real life events. For those who don't know, the real Hermes is the snake that inspired this random plot bunny. He did make it out in one piece and no I don't own him. That honour belongs to someone else. Sorry guys, this is definitely not some of my better work, I think I focused too hard on getting the facts straight and thus failed to get the emotion across. I'm going to post anyway, cause poor Hermes definitely deserves a tribute after the shock he had. I'm just sorry it's not a better one. As always Mikell a huge thankyou for beta-ing. Same disclaimer applies, I don't own anything TMNT related. :-) Enjoy y'all ;-)**

A high pitched shriek broke the early-morning stillness of the Lair, propelling two brothers toward the bathroom.

"What the shell happened?" Leo demanded, rushing into the bathroom just in time to see his brainiac brother disappear into the bathtub.

"Hermes got stuck in the drain." Mikey whimpered, anxiously bobbing up and down behind Donatello.

"What did the damn snake do now?" Raphael muttered, rubbing his sleepy eyes as he came into the bathroom behind Leonardo.

"Ok, there's good news and bad news Mikey," said Don from the tub. "The good news is it looks like Hermes hasn't disappeared into the sewers. The bad news is he's stuck."

"Just flush it." Raph growled. "Shoulda never got da damn t'ing in da first place."

"Oh real nice, Bro." Mikey glared at him. "He was all alone. Someone flushed him down the toilet already."

"Guess he likes it dat way." Raph replied a wicked grin curving his mouth.

"Donny do something." Mikey pleaded, pointedly ignoring Raph.

Don sighed. "Well…I guess I could take the tub apart."

"What?" Leo exclaimed. "Donny, that's crazy."

"Well what would you suggest, Leo?"

"We can't leave him down there." Mikey looked close to tears. "What if…what if he comes into contact with some mutagen or something and like turns into some weird snake like monster?"

"Yeah, Bro, cause that's gonna happen." Raph rolled his eyes.

"Actually, theoretically, it is possible. We don't know how long that mutagen that changed us would stay in the sewers or how active it would be after so many years." Don's voice echoed in the metal tub as he pried the stopper out of the drain.

Raph's face paled. "Ya mean, it could turn into some weird monster?"

"Well if it does," Mikey muttered. "He'd be in good company, you know, with you an' all."

"Ok stop it you two." Leo sounded exasperated. "Don, what do you think would be best?"

Donatello looked into the pleading eyes of his youngest brother. "I guess…we could try to get it out."

"Ya ain't seriously t'inking o' takin' da tub apart."

"I don't really see any other solution, Raph. Hermes is stuck about half way down."

"Oh man, he must have changed his mind and didn't realize the pipe was so small."

"It's a snake, Mikey. It can't t'ink."

"Whatever, Raph. You just don't understand Hermes."

Donatello snorted, deciding it was best to just let his brothers keep arguing. He eyes the drain for a moment, wondering how would be the best way to get into the plumbing system.

"Ok, I'm going to need some tools. Leo, can you go get my toolbox?"

Leo nodded, leaving the room to retrieve Don's tools. They waited for a while, Mikey getting more and more worried with each passing moment.

"Hermes isn't gonna suffocate is he?"

"He'll be fine, Mikey." Don tried to reassure him.

Leo walked back into the bathroom, carrying the toolbox. "Anything else you need, Bro?"

"No this should do it."

Don set to work, carefully removing the panel on the bathtub to get access to the pipe system. He cursed softly. "This…might be harder than I though."

"What does that mean? You are gonna be able to help him aren't you?" Mike's voice was high with worry.

"I'm going to try, Mike."

There was silence as Donny examined the pipes, carefully tapping them with a hammer. It seemed to take forever.

Having tried various ways, Don finally threw down the hammer and turned to his youngest brother.

"Mikey hand me something would you? Anything, these tools just aren't working."

Mikey rummaged through the tool box, finally handing Don a long object.

"Yer givin' 'im my spare Sai?" Raph growled, clenching his fists.

Mikey glared at him. "What? It's not like you're using it," he said defensively.

"Ok you know what? Leo, just hand me my tool box, I'll figure something out."

Don sighed deeply, looking through his tools. He had no idea how he was going to get that darn snake out of the pipe system. Already he was silently cursing his baby brother for ever having adopted the thing.

Picking up the hammer again he tried tapping harder, careful to avoid the pipe he suspected was currently housing Hermes. He didn't want to traumatize the poor snake. Unfortunately he overestimated the strength of his hit. The pipe came off in his hand, followed by a jet of water straight in his face.

* * *

Below, Splinter was trying to spend a few relaxing moments catching up with his favourite soap opera. It wasn't often he had a chance to have the TV all to himself, but seeing as his sons seemed preoccupied in the bathroom; he had decided to take advantage of it.

He sighed, running a furry hand across his brow as he heard the distant clanging. He heard the violent swear and leapt up from the couch as water started to drip down between the cracks in the ceiling, landing directly on him.

"Donatello. What is happening up there?" Splinter demanded, hurrying to stand by the stairs.

There was a muffled, "Sorry, Sensei," followed by renewed banging.

Splinter heaved another deep sigh. Whatever was happening upstairs, he didn't want to know. Instead he hurried through to the kitchen to get a bucket to catch the water in, before seating himself back down on the couch, determined to get a few minutes alone with the TV.

* * *

"Nice goin', Donny." Raph muttered, glancing uneasily toward the door.

"Do you wanna try doing this, Raph?"

Donatello wiped his sopping face with a towel, reaching for the shut-off valve to turn off the flow of water. Once the water slowed to a stop, Donny looked down into the pipe that had connected to the one that now lay forlornly on the bathroom tiles.

He was relieved to see Hermes didn't seem to have suffered any damage from the ordeal and was still curled up in the pipe.

"Ok, I need one of you…" Don looked up. "No. Leo…I need you to get me a wooden spoon. I'm going to try to encourage him to come out of the pipe after I've removed it."

"You'll hurt him." Mikey exclaimed, instantly panicking.

"Personally, I'd say it'd be more effective if we used da hacksaw." Raph smirked.

The second pipe seemed less difficult to remove. Gently, Don poked the handle of the wooden spoon into the pipe. He swore softly. "He's stuck. Mikey, I need you to, carefully, pull on his tail. Try not to startle him or he might wedge himself deeper."

"Don't pull too Hard, Bro. You don't want to hurt him." Leo muttered anxiously.

Nodding quickly, Mikey tried to reach into the pipe.

"Raph, I need you to try to get this wrench loose."

Muttering something indistinct that was undoubtedly not very nice, Raphael picked up the wrench and started to turn the nut that was holding the pipe together. The nut refused to budge.

"Dis ain't workin' Don." Raph muttered, trying to wrench the nut off.

"Damn." Don muttered, reaching in with the spoon again. "I don't know how he got himself stuck like this."

"So what da shell we supposed to do now?" Raph growled, glancing at Mikey, his face softening at the tears that slid down the youngest turtle's face. "Hey, it's gonna be ok, Bro."

"He must be scared. All alone, trapped in that pipe."

"It's gonna be ok, Mikey, we'll figure out a way to get him out," said Don, patting Mike's shoulder.

Mikey gave one last forlorn tug on the bit of tail he could see sticking out of the pipe. There was a faint popping sound as the snake shot out the pipe and Mike blinked, holding Hermes.

"He's out. Hermes…oh Hermes, you're ok. Come to daddy. You're ok, yes you are, yes you are." Mikey went off into a string of cooing noises, paying no attention to the rather exasperated look Raphael shot him.

"Try not to lose it dis time, Mikey."

"Well…that was fun. Now who wants to help me clear this mess up?"

Don was convinced he'd never seen his brothers move so fast in his life. They disappeared as only true ninja's could, swiftly and effectively.

"I should go check on Master Splinter."

"I ain't helpin' with da mess. I never even wanted da damn snake in da firs' place."

"Hermes needs a nap after that experience and food. Let's get you some food."

Left alone, Donatello grinned at the closed door. Well, at least now he'd be able to try out a new experiment he'd just thought of. A jet power shower, now that would certainly be one way to make sure his brothers were wide awake in the mornings and it would certainly prove useful should anything else get lodged in the pipes, including wayward snakes.


End file.
